Sexy Underwear and Other Sundries
Are you a hot mama or have you surrendered your womanly power to the diaper bin? I have decided to reclaim my whole self and here’s how.
I reached the technical linear date of mid-life a couple of years ago (now 42) and at that moment I realized the value of bucket lists. In the first half of life, it’s easy to feel like there is alot of time. Because, in some ways, there is. The average lifespan is 75-80 years if you’re healthy. So, in the 20s, 30s, it feels like there is plenty of time to consider what might have escaped noticed up until that point.
When I turned 40, I had four children under 12. I was uprooted and soul searching. We were thinking about our values as a family, mostly. What did we (as parents) want for our children? What did we each want to do with our creative energies? But I hadn’t spent much time thinking about me. Just me. Not wearing any particular hat or consumed by any particular role. The big ole elephant (pick a color) in the room was “who am I…now”?
I was dabbling gleefully in writing and photography. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone into the public blogging sphere to document our “Life On Purpose.” I was athletic, as usual, committed to yoga, surfing, skiing, horses and whatever else I might have time for outside of chasing my children around. I was a wife, a mother, a friend. But there was a part of me so long neglected that I forgot who she was or that she had ever existed.
Our sexual energies sometimes go into deep hibernation when we become parents. I know it’s not just me because it seems to be true for many of my friends, too. Despite the fact that some pretty racy and exciting nocturnal or diurnal engagements resulted in brand new hybrids of our genetical material, parents start to lose their sexual identity once those same progeny arrive in our homes. It’s a slow, insidious creep. Pregnancy weight, stretch marks, stretched parts, touched out and bone tired exhaustion pretty much destroy what ever meager libido clings to our depleted frames. Two healthy human specimens are sucked dry by nature’s march to ensure the next generation’s survival. While I have met some annoyingly well adjusted parents who glow with the bliss of new parenthood and sleepless nights, most of us really cannot remember those first few years let alone wax poetic about them.
I must confess that for the past year or more I have been feeling rather depressed about losing my youthful verve. I could see the frown lines and smile crevices etching ever more profoundly into my once fair visage. I was very aware that I was no longer, ever a Miss, but forever more a Ma’am. Okay. I can accept that.
Er. Um. Not really.
In my mind I feel 30. Really. But during that decade I was pregnant or nursing. So, I need to set a new bar. A new year of feeling and being a real woman. A healthy, sexy, vivacious, intelligent woman. No more mommy sweats. No more frumpy days. I need to draw the line somewhere. Since when do we have children and hang up our libidos? I’m not talking cougar vamping. I’m just talking about feeling whole and alive. Yes, sexy, but really just WOMANLY. Remember when the swagger of the hips and the keen mind were a killer knock out blow to any mere mortal?
So, I recently resolved to find ways to feel womanly again. My method? I only buy sexy, silky underwear. I will never again buy those blase, boring nude practical panties again. I strut around in them with little braless tank tops (a luxury of the smaller breasted woman perhaps but one that I relish) and vamp it up like nobody’s business. Somehow the cellulite and past few years of inconsistent glut workouts is easily overlooked in a pink laced bikini!
A friend of mine recently confided that she sleeps in the nude. As a lifetime pajama sleeper I decided to pair down and sleep in my new sexy underwear to start. I may work my way up to sleeping naked. This may be too much information (TMI) but I would like to suggest to all my mommy friends out there, that it’s time to reclaim our full womanly powers. Yes, we create LIFE. Yes, we nurture and raise those little cherubs with great devotion and love. But we are WOMEN! We have our own needs! We are still sexual and sexy. It’s not too late to embrace it and own it. I hear that the next 40 years can be MORE fulfilling and exciting than the first…and I intend to find out.
PS: I draw the line at thongs. To each her own.
How about you? What do you do to feel sexy after 40? Please share your tips. I want to know!
Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day. I hope your day is filled with more (much more) than flowers!
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Comments (8)
Jennifer S. Flescher
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ok — so I loved this blog. It made me smile and want to feel sexy — and think about integrating that part of myself into my life — and the ways that I do and don’t… but I have to tell you another thought I had. It was the first thought I had when this popped up on FB this morning. I hate the photo. Personally, I kind of keep track of how often partially naked women show up on FB — and I find it really interesting — the public space, the feeling of community and being there a professional — as in, this is not somewhere where I am used to being barraged by the advertising images of the media… it feels like continuing the subjectification…
sorry — but I wanted to mention it.
happy mother’s day, sweet, beautiful Lisa — you have assisted my mothering this year!
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lisa
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Thank you, Jen! So glad you feel inspired to be a Goddess, too. I struggled with the image to include but I felt like this particular one was not objectifying…she seems, to me, to be in control of her self and her body. I can’t stand the pics of women who have had a bunch of alterations or look somehow disempowered or disembodied…this pic didn’t say that to me. I also liked her lingerie…something I would buy. Curious how others feel though. What is an empowering way to show our sexual side?
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pearl
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good reading
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Claire Porter
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Lisa,
This is a good reminder that when we become mothers we don’t stop being ourselves, wives, partners and this means our sexual selves do not get left at the door. Fearing TMI but I am wearing my sexy skivvies today and I love the photo of the woman you chose- here’s to hot mammas:)
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lisa
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Hi C! I am finding I appreciate my body more when I look kindly and have fun rather than give in to gravity and mistaken beliefs about what or who is allowed to feel womanly. I don’t care what anyone else might think and it doesn’t matter. What matters is feeling that confident swagger that lifts the spirit and reminds us to embrace our lives fully and live with passion in every area. Anyone who is having trouble embracing their bodies might consider what beliefs or blocks are holding them back…what negative messages are there lurking under the feelings…are they true? Do a little Byron Katie kung fu on those thoughts. http://www.thework.com XO
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Jo
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Lisa – this is the first time I’m reading your blog (you had sent a comment on a picture of my son on my FB page – which I am hardly ever on, but I do receive the texts on my phone) and I LOVE IT! I also read the quick synopsis of your book and it sounds fantastic – so happy for you to have accomplished a novel (secret fantasy of mine). This is so timely for me since I’m starting to look like myself again (gave birth 5 months ago and now am just waiting to get my flat tummy back – hope it will come back!). Currently I wear dresses that make me feel sexy – usually the kind that shows off my larger than normal cleavage (because of nursing) and the flowing skirt.
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lisa
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Jo!!! I was delighted to see that little baby you brought into the world! Awesome! Glad you found my blog, too! It takes time to feel normal again after having a baby, to be sure. There are so many constant demands and needs and all too often, the mom’s mind-body-spirit comes last. I hope I inspire a few moms to rethink that and reclaim their womanly verve. I am certainly noticing the benefits of this shift of awareness! Hope to see you around or catch up in person soon! xo
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Good Reading Matreial – elephantjournal.com – sexy | Pearl's Update
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